Scratch That

Okay. Do you remember that bit about weekly posts on Friday? Well, life (work) has changed on me and that doesn't quite look like it is going to be happening, so I have to rearrange my schedule. I still plan to get things started up here soon, but I don't know exactly when that will be. I have to focus on my coursework first, as my courses for the current semester all have to be completed within the next 7 weeks. Therefore, I expect that I will start to get things underway sometime after that.

Late Start

Things have been really screwy lately and I haven't had time for much of anything. That said, this Friday, things should get started and what I mentioned in my previous post should come to pass.

What's New!

I've had this blog for a long time and, recently, have not been publishing much to it. I want to change that and I have five reasons why:

I want to share my opinions. I want to tell people what products I like because, while I condemn thoughtless advertising, I am all for recommending products I actually like. I also want to comment on various ideas and situations we encounter in everyday life. I don't intend to limit my posts to certain categories. I will write reviews on everything from tech to video games to personal care(double edge razors, hairbrushes, etc.) items. My other commentary will cover everything issues arising when people encounter the Bible to how fast you should be going when you merge onto the interstate. I'll also cover things like what music or shows I like, but as I type this out I am thinking this would be included under reviews.

I want to improve my English. When I entered college I had a grasp on the English language that earned me perfect scores in my writing classes. I have always attributed that to the fact that I have a long history of blogging. In recent years, with my decline in blogging, social interaction, and my time spent in 日本, I feel like my grasp of the English language has slipped a bit. I am hoping that by writing this blog, I will be able to prevent the dust from gathering on my writing skills, both now and after I return to 日本.

I want to improve my typing. Practice makes perfect, right? I am sitting here typing on the holy grail of English typing instruments but I still only hammer out a meager 38 wpm with roughly 93% accuracy. I have decided that I need more practice and I hope to one day find myself typing at around 100 wpm at the same or better accuracy.

I want to connect with people who care about me. While I am not anti-social, I find arranging any social situation to be exhausting and, as a result, don't really interact with anybody who doesn't live with me. Most people I know are usually unaware of how I'm doing or what I've been up to lately. I want to change that. Furthermore, if anyone feels the need to comment on what I've posted, that will allow dialogue to open up and create a two-way connection where there is normally only a one-way connection.

I want to establish some habits. Basically, I want to publish something once a week on Friday, follow that with schoolwork, and do some software development and 日本語の勉強 every Saturday. The idea here is that if I get started doing one on a regular predictable basis, the others will be as easy as asking myself, "What next?".

After I start building up reviews of different products, I may start to advertise either through Google's AdSense or the manufacturers themselves. This, I hope, will allow you to easily find the products I recommend as my eclectic tastes sometimes require shopping at places outside of Amazon. If I don't like what is being advertised, or I hear from many of my readers that the advertisements aren't helping them find the product I recommend, I will take the advertising off. However, before I start advertising, I want to have several quality reviews posted so that the ads have something to pull data from.

That's all for this week. Watch out for next week's post when I'll give my review on a certain typing instrument.

Google

It's that time of year. Google has decided to close Google Reader and many people, myself included are disappointed. On the other hand, there is something about RSS readers that I have always thought made them seem really archaic. That said, I wish Google wasn't closing this down.

This isn't the first time Google has cut a project from its roster. Google Health, a Twitter clone whos name I can't remember, Google Notebook, Google Video, and dozens of other projects have preceded Google Reader(Surprisingly, however, Orkut is still around). The difference with Google Reader seems to be the mass scramble across the internet to find a substitute for something that has stood largely unchallenged on the internet for years. It makes you wonder what kind of post-apocalyptic world we would be living in if Google were to cut something like GMail, or if the company itself were to vanish completely.

Having said all of that, I still don't see to much of a problem with how Google works. I have been able to see where they have cut certain projects because they didn't improve Google as a whole and I can understand Google wanting to move staff working on extra projects that don't really fall inline with the Google ecosystem to the many half-finished projects they consider a critical part of it(Hangouts comes to mind). I see a lot of good possibilities in the direction that Google is heading and I am optimistic about what will be provided to us as users in the future.

P.S. Is it just me, or is Google no longer the reckless baby that it once was?

A Long Working Vacation in the United States

I honestly never expected this day would come, but it has. I am currently looking at spending a year or more in the United States of America. As some of you may have known, I have decided to spend the rest of my life in Japan, returning to the States occasionally to spend a week or so with family and friends. Unfortunately, a series of unfortunate events have changed what would be a short holiday to a working vacation that will last for so long that I might end up curled into the fetal position before it is all over.

The prospect of this return has caused me to look at the pros and cons of returning to the States.

Pros:

• Family
• Friends
• Waffle House

Cons:

• Leaving the Japanese lifestyle
• The lack of Japanese food
• Not being around and speaking as much Japanese
• Being around and speaking English
• Having to import the vast majority of the things I desire
• 秘密です
• Feeling like a fish out of water
• 秘密です
• Mediocre Italian Restaurants
• Going back to being terrified to leave anything lying around anywhere.

There may be other pros and other cons, but I can't think of them right now.

• 
  

Life Lessons: 2012

With the year 2012 coming to a close, I have realized that many important things, both good and bad, have happened to me this year. Some, I have to take responsibility for while others rest purely on the shoulders of others.

I have to stop procrastinating. I can't even say when I started procrastinating, but I must have began early because the entirety of my memories contains acts of procrastination. Having done it for so long, I don't think I ever realized I needed to stop until this December. I can look back and see the consequences of it on my life and, most notably, my college education, but I only realized it two weeks ago when a surprise low in my sugar levels prevented me from completing homework I had planned finish 30 minutes before class. I still can't understand why I procrastinated one of the most desired things in my life, but maybe if I can stop the lifestyle the reason will matter no more.

At about the same time I realized I needed to stop procrastinating, I realized that I am very pessimistic about things pertaining to myself. I find my self constantly focusing on the negative aspects of myself, elevating my failures over my achievements. There was a time when I tricked myself into believing that this was humility. Recently, I've been in denial of the fact that I've been trying to push myself over the edge. Now I know it, and now I will strive to be different, to be better. "I'm forgiving what I've done." - Linkin Park

Despite my procrastination, I have managed to learn a lot this semester. While I am a long way away from being able to write this post in Japanese, my ability after three months of study is the subject of amazement among those I have encountered. I am quite thankful that God has blessed me in this regard. More and more I get the feeling that He wants me here. I look forward to seeing what He has to come, and to getting better at my Japanese.

I've also learned that I can't expect myself to fix everything. This year, so many things have happened to my friends, family, and church that I have felt the need to fix, but haven't been able to. Once upon a time, a man I knew had to make a tough choice in regard to his daughter and that caused me to contemplate how difficult it would be to place one's family in the hands of God and be responsible for the family at the same time. This year, my family was torn apart by a second divorce and the consequences resulted in immense difficulty for those close to me. For months, I was consumed with thoughts of what I should do to help my family emotionally and financially as they went through this tough time. I was prepared to quit school, move back home, and take on a full time job to help out. But after some time, I realized that I needed to let God take care of my family and that I needed to step through the door he had opened for me.

I've also realized that it is highly likely that I will never be married. I tend to go back an forth on this subject, but some recent events have solidified the idea in my mind. The divorce of my mother and step-father, and the ending of the dating relationships between my two brothers and  my two of my best friends caused doubt to resurface. While there is no doubt that the divorce of parents has an effect on the children, this was my second. To add to it, my oldest little brother and his girlfriend had a relationship that everyone was almost certain would end only in death, but the two were choosing radically different paths in life and the relationship saw its end. My youngest brother and his girlfriend had a rocky relationship that had no doubt began years ago, but became official here at the beginning of the year. Despite the complications of their relationship, they always came back together. However, this time, it really is over. After that, I read a lot about dating relationships and marriage and I became convinced that my complete lack of desire and other aspects in my life made a single life the only possibility for me. Furthermore, this was cemented in my mind when a discussion with my friend Yusuke yielded the following verses: 

8But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 NASB

With the previous in mind, I move forward as I am.

I look forward to what God has for me in the future, because I can see where God has done so much in the past. Also, on a personal level, I can see where I can improve in 2013 and the wisdom of the Japanese, which also happens to be the wish of my late Grandmother, compels me to がんばんって。(Do my best!)

Deceitful Feelings

I don't write here nearly enough. I want to, but it seems what I want to do isn't always what I do. I guess that, if I wanted to, I could justify not posting since I only know of one of my friends who reads this. Then again, others might read it without subscribing to it. Even if no one does, I would argue that this is worth writing even if Grace is the only one who reads it. That said, I think it is time to get on with the reason for writing this post and shed a little light on the title of it.


I've been moved out of my parent's house for close to a year and a half at this point. Furthermore, I've been living in a legitimate apartment that I have been paying for myself. I officially have my own life, bills, belongings, and all. And yet, I don't feel like I'm at home. I can remember traveling to the various place I've been in life, and returning home with a feeling that was like, "I'm home." It was relaxing and refreshing. That is a feeling I haven't known for a long time. For that last 6-7 months, I've wanted to be in Crossville while I was in Cookeville, and Cookeville while I was in Crossville. Increasingly, I am feeling more and more like I don't belong in either place. Still, I know that I have a home, I just don't feel it.


It would seem that knowledge and feelings are often different, as I have been coping with their inconsistencies for years now. Even now, given everything I've mentioned above, and the myriad of other things that I have experience in recent years, I still don't feel like I'm an adult. Matter of fact, I haven't felt any different for nearly a decade. I've handled all matter of tough decisions and problems, but before, during, and since each event I've felt the same. However, this doesn't necessarily make me feel bad, as I still don't see an advantage to the stuck up, boring lifestyle that adults appear to have in general. Of course, my viewpoint on life is the subject of another post.


Still, I wish I could feel like I'm at home when I am.