Have you ever wanted something really bad, only to find a nameless something was holding you back? I have, I do. I just filed for withdrawal from my summer classes because I can't seem to do my homework. It is not that it is hard, rather it is extremely simple, but I just can't make myself do it. This has been a real source of trouble for me despite the fact that I have been a model student for the majority of my education. What's worse, is I know that getting my homework done is what I have to do to get what I know I want, but it just kills me to do it. I don't know why necessarily, but the problem exists anyways.
Of course, what's really beginning to bother me is the consequences of my current actions. I have lost my HOPE scholarship for good, I'm looking at losing my job at the school, ending up on Academic Probation, and if this continues for much longer, trying to pay off the thousands of dollars of school loan with a Burger King paycheck.
Stuff like this makes me wonder if what I'm doing is what God wants? I've asked Him repetitively to guide me, but at this rate, He's going to have to write on the wall in my apartment or I'm going to end up a serious mess.
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From Heart and Mind,
Jonathan
